"Them" Becomes "Us"

As a pre-school teacher it is my job to spot learning disabilities and other "problems" so that they can be addressed early on. Previous to discovering my own differences, or at least knowing exactly how to label those differences, I thought of these children as "them". This is not to say I didn't like them or had anything against them. I love all the children I work with. Of course I don't like them all, as that would be against human nature.

In most cases I have a much easier time dealing with a difficult child after having identified them as different. Pardon my termonology, I don't mean any offense, I just don't have better ways of putting it yet. I see many children. Many are extremely spoiled and that is why they are so... well in my profession the word "bad" is a no-no. But some childrem are really just bad, bratty, evil incarnate... you get my drift.

Discipline for children in my mind is a very difficult topic. I was physiaclly abused as a child. My father meant well. He was a fundamentalist chrsitian that truly believed in the adage "spare the rod, spoil the child". However, as I have read in other exanmples of chldren raised by Aspie parents, he took it too far. To this day he is convinced he did nothing wrong, though the discovery of Aspergr's in the family may change that. Because of this, part of me thinks that all physical punishment is bad.

Practically speaking, that doesn't work. I work in a setting that disallows most forms of punishment. "Time outs" are even forbidden. The effect of this is a mob of children who do whatever they want because they know that I can't do anything about it. At most I can tell their parents and if they become to crazy the family is asked to leave.

I don't think pain should be used as a punishment, but sometimes the schock value of a swat can break a child out of a tantrum. In short, discipline is necessary. Abuse, is not.

Back to my original point, my view of children with mental disabilities is in the process of re-working itself. Last year, I worked with a class of 2.5-3.5 year olds. That year I had more "difficult" children than any other. Two were asked to leave and one still remains in the school. (Genders changed to protect identity)

One was hyperactive. I didn't demand that (s)he participate. But she wasn't content to do her own thing. She would jump on me when I was trying to teach. Then she started biting, not the other children, just me. I didn't dislike her or deny her right to be in a school, but I was alone with seven pre-schoolers. I had to take care of all of them at the same time. I couldn't be one on one with her. I couldn't help her and that frustrated me.

The next two both had parents that were in severe denial. They didn't want to acknowledge a problem. One was completely uncommunicative. (S)he never interacted with anyone else. (S)he never went along with the group. All that was fine. I can deal with that. However, she was not potty trained and refused to let me change her. She was very large and heavy. Plus I was pregnant. I refused to wrestle with her. The parents eventually "pulled her out"/was asked to leave when they refused to listen and believe what was happening.

The last case is that of a child who has signs of autism very obviously. His mother's excuse for doing nothing was that he was just like his father. I'm not saying he should be medicated or anything. However, if his differences were acknowledged he wouldn't be pushed into things he can't handle or understand. He is not potty trained because he doesn't think it's importnat nd doesn't care (I think). Because of that he can't move to pre-k.

More so than my frustration against parents, my point is my changing persepctive and feelings of guilt. The last child most of all, I feel guilty about my negative emotions about them. The first two less so than the last. He/she couldn't have known it, but when I was pregnant tehy seemed to go out of their way to hit me. Once, out of the blue with an angelic smile, he/she punched me in the stomach.

I feel guilty about how I feel about them, more so now. I know full well that it's not their fault and I know that emotions aren't rational. But still, there is an immense feeling of guilt that I still haven't forgiven them. This is the closest I've come to hating a child.

Now that these children aren't part of some other group, "them" and I can identify as someone with similar problems, it muddles the issue. We are now "us". And I am bothered that I had such feelings against one of "us". I feel I should have been more understanding, somehow dealt better. Maybe in the future I might.

Before anyone flames me:
I do not hate autistic childrenor child with delays.
I do not condone child abuse.

This just me working through my own mental processes.