Do you feel any anger towards God because of your disability?

Do you feel any anger towards God because of your disability?

The subject of God and disability is complicated, because it doesn't just involve MY disability. My father is an Aspie and my sister is a Wheeler. My sister had a gradual shift from walkie to wheeler with a congential hip problem. She also has hearing and audio-processing problems. Both of these issues were relatively obvious compared to my undiagnosed autism.

She "had it out" with God early on, around 11, before she was a wheeler. She became a true christian. Too many christians do not practice what they preach, but I can truly respect her faith. My father shoved it down my throat so hard I gagged. I am very prejudiced against "christian" things. He is not a hypocrate, but he can be relentless and not empathetic at all, go figure.

I was depressed and unhappy as a child. I was just as misunderstood at church as anywhere else. I felt no attachment to "God", nothing. And because I was a rebellious child, I shot to the complete opposite of the spectrum. I explored wicca and various pagan religions. Eventually I took up Kemeticism, the ancient egyption religion. It is not actually at heart a multi-god religion, but holds that each "god"is a face of God.

In my life though, my definition of God has changed. God is not infallible, omnipotent. Therefore, they can't be blamed for everything. Were I to believe in a perfect God, I just may. But I have seen very little in this world to indicate a perfect God.

Some would say I lost my faith, but in truth I never really had it. Saying prayers as a five year old doesn't mean much. As a thinking person, I have not found anything to substantiate the christian view. Mind you, my soul is in a endless quest for the truth. As I tell my father, maybe I'll find my way back if it is true.

I don't agree with most Kemeticists. That doesn't bother me. I don't really agree with anyone on anything.
Faith is personal. I think what matters in the end is whether you truly believed something to be true and pure.

However, in the end, blame is useless. Things are how they are. Accept them and go on. If you can accept them and build from there. Life gives you lemons, make lemon and pepper steak.